i havent updated this for months...so why do people still watch me hahaaa

mutiple jugs of $7.50 brewerkz beer,mostly sculled back one after another.

ethyl chloride = fucking brilliant. buzzes my ass off it does.

combine the two,and i'm told i was such a jackass that people want to kill me. yeah whatever,whats new.

i sang lots of lines for meltgsnow yesterday during their set. been wanting to do that since the first day i heard greed for insanity,YEARS ago. so that was cool,but my drunk ass still fucked up the words. oh well, at least my growl didnt fail me. it sounded fucking deep as well. maybe it was the ethyl shit.

ups and downs. the gathering was insane as promised,but last night...was beyond fucked. try digging drains for 10 hours and then performing in the fucking sauna of the stage that was guiness theatre for a crowd that didnt give a fuck. i nearly passed out. twice.

it felt good to get fucking wasted again. its been awhile. the fact that i was toiling in the rain and didnt eat a single thing all day probably helped. hangovers however,suck.

i love my angelmonkey

one down..two to go. last night was insane,the best yet,but we'll top that this saturday i promise. if my head doesn't detach itself from my shoulders.

6th December 2003 - The Gathering 2003
Club VIP (Old Shooters) @ Clarke Quay,
Tickets are priced at $10 + 1 Free CD(compilation of the performing bands).
Featuring Meza Virs,Meltgsnow,Azrael,Crown Of Thorns,and more..

Meza Virs play a 45 minute co-headlining set..entry includes a free CD featuring the newly recorded "The Dwell Beneath"...go go what the fuck are you waiting for....i'll cy'all there..

[now playing : my dying bride - for my fallen angel]

i buried a kitten last night. it wasn't one of mine,just a little black one scampering around the god-forsaken place that is my fucking camp. my sole source of joy through all those nights spent on duty. one moment she was on my lap..eating from my dinner. half an hour later,collapsed on the floor convulsing in it's death throes. i couldn't do anything. i'm so fucking sorry but i couldn't. all i did was to hold her in my arms one last time..stroking her head,willing life back into her..willing her to fucking breathe and just snap out of it. but the twitching stopped. and she was gone.

i never even gave her a fucking name.

the best part is how everyone reacted with such indifference,such disdain,such pure fucking callousness for a life lost before it's time. fuck them all.

i know shes in a better place. because i had another dream. perhaps a hallucination,maybe i was just tired. but she came back. jumped into my lap and pawed me with those tiny claws a final time,and ran off into the forest. and i know it,i swear i saw content in her eyes.  but i had tears in mine when i woke.

its things like this that reaffirm my wish to die alone and just be forgotten,so that no one will ever have to go through the same which i did.

farewell to my baby who never had a name.